I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
