she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
