I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
