I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
