whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
