next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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