Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
