I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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