keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You made out with two different species that night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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