Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My feet surprised me
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