I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
