he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
