Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
