yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the condom got lost in my hair
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
