Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
