boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
