I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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