she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
