What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
