Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
