Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize