I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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