So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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