my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
