So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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