oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
