She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
