Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
