I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
