Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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