so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
