I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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