Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am midnight drunk by noon
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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