Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my liver is dry heaving
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
