Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
