We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
