Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
