i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
