at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
