I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
