Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
