I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize