I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
