You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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