I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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