Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
