im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
