from now on my penis is your penis
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Your cock deserves a montage
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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