Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
