I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
