i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
