woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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