Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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