The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
