Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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