I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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