Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
