the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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