wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
