apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
