the new term for farting is butt boxing.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
