You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
