You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
