Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
