just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
