I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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