I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
