im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
