WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize