Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
