idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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